Gabrial Heart-shield

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Gabrial Heart-shield

Post by Gabrial Heart-Shield on Sun Jun 16, 2013 11:34 pm

nter]Gabrial Heart-Shield[/center]


Gender: Male



Species: Unicorn Pony



Age: 27



Eyes: Crimson Red



Body: White



Mane: Black



Tail: Black



Cutie mark: a Shield with a heart within it



Likes: Clean Water, Blood (Bagged), Good, and honnest ponies



Dislikes: Bandits, cruelty, Death, Sorrowful ponies.



Preferred weapon(s): Blades, Magic (Shield and communication spells, and Coils of Light spell to bind others)



Talents: Gabrial has an uncanny ability to turn blood in a form of nourishment; he also has a good hand at medicine.



Personality:Gabrial is a kind and helpful pony who hates to harm others, and only seeks to help the wasteland, to help others who are lost there, to bring back a high morals of the Guards of old, but his unnatural need to drink blood, usually shot any chance of communities of taking him on as a more permeate member of the community.



History: Gabrial was young when his father went off to fight slavers, to save other ponies from the cruelty and undeserved fate. That was the last time Gabrial saw his father, His mother as soon as Gabrial was old enough, was honest with Gabrial about the urges with in his body and mind, explained how she and his father were both… special and unique.. And that he too might be as such. Gabrial being a good and understanding heart accepted this. The other pony who over heard this, was not so much, Gabrial’s mother fought hard to protect Gabrial but she had lost her live as Gabrial ran hard and fast, and from that point on he lived on the wasteland, his heart injured from the unaccepting nature of other ponies made him less wanting to explain his… “Special” condition to others, but he never wavered in his need to help others, but he didn’t dare explain himself to any until he was comfortable with them. He began to learn a great deal of medical knowledge from old books, his spells also came from books older then even he dare think of.

-present:these Days Gabrial wonders the Detroit Ruins, calm and kind demeanor calling all those who needed help without the ability to pay a huge price of caps. All he ever asked was maybe 5 caps or a leave with him a blood sample for… “Analysis”


Last edited by R800x on Tue Jun 25, 2013 2:08 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Comment.)

Gabrial Heart-Shield
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Re: Gabrial Heart-shield

Post by R800x on Tue Jun 25, 2013 2:04 am

Sorry, But this will not be aproved yet; For these reasons.

-Grammar needs to be (kinda) better.
-Fix your history, and add more detail. The Present is fine.
-Fix Your Personality. As some of it is good, the lasst part: " usually shot any chance of communities of taking him on as a more permeate member of the community." needs explanation.
-Your body needs to be updated. Is he bruised anywhere? How tall is he? Is he strong?
-[FIXING FOR YOU] Your species should reflect on what you are; a Pony Unicorn. Make sure you do this in the future.

•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•*¯¯*•:._.:•
What is up my homie jees. This is R800x Speaking, Coming with you LIVE with some Co-Owner duty.
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